The Importance of Structure & Electronics Use
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Understanding Structure
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Structure in our daily lives is critical to helping children to be productive, stay calm and emotionally regulated. A structured environment is one that is organized and predictable, which is essential right now in a world which seems unpredictable and frightening.
In a structured environment, your child knows what to expect.
When your child has day-to-day routines and a schedule to follow, this creates structure in their lives. Consistent house rules, expectations, and consequences that are clearly understood by your child (and positively reinforced by you) help maintain a predictable environment. This knowledge creates a sense of security, which is why most children benefit from structure; this is especially true if your child has a developmental disability, mood disorder or ADHD.
Setting Up Rules and Routines, See Addendum on Electronics Use
Routines make life more predictable and normally a good chunk of your children’s days are taken up with school and activities, which they will no longer be participating in for the foreseeable future. In addition to causing distress about missing a given activity as well as the socialization involved, it also opens up large amounts of time which now need to be scaffolded by you as their parents and caretakers.
Children often struggle with the ability to regulate themselves and exert ‘self-control’. As a result they need more external control, i.e. structure, in order to function at their best. Children may find it challenging to stop certain behaviors and keep their focus on school work or ‘less-preferred tasks’ when there are so many distractions at home pulling them in different directions. By implementing structure and external controls at home, you are helping your child to experience more successes and also teaching them good habits and skills along the way. With structure, children learn to set aside the same block of time to complete their homework or to establish a bedtime and morning routine.
I. Have Clear Expectations and House Rules
Make rules and expectations simple, concise and clear. Your children should be a part of this process and there should be built in ‘Flex-time’ where they can choose an activity, or a site to do an activity. There may be some compromises to be made, but once they are decided, should be adhered to consistently (ie a teen that wants to have bedtime moved to 11 pm instead of 9:30pm) Make sure the rules are understood and agreed to by everyone in the home. Together, come up with specific consequences and be consistent in following through with consequences.
Helpful hints:
1. Involve your child in discussions about rules and routine. It will help them understand goals and teach them to accept responsibility.
2. Give specific instructions and chunk tasks into manageable bites. “Put away the toys on your carpet on the shelf in the closet.” Be consistent — if the toys are stored on the shelf one night, they should be put there every night. Children need to know precisely what you expect.
3. Assign tasks that your child is capable of doing on his own. Success builds confidence. The goal is to teach your child to do things independently.
4. Be realistic about time. With your child, set a start time for a task such as a homework assignment, reading a book chapter, or cleaning his or her bedroom. Talk with your child about how long it should take to finish. Stay with your child until he or she gets started. Check back now and then to make sure he or she is still working. Make sure you’ve set aside enough time for the child to complete his homework, or do a certain chore such as washing the dishes. If the original time frame doesn’t work, be flexible and restructure for the next day.
5. Dedicate space and reorganize during this time of ‘chaos’ in the outside world. Create a sense of order for your child by helping to organize his or her room. At first you may need to work with your child to get started. Once things are in place, it is important for the child to keep it up on his or her own. Dedicate a space to do homework away from distractions and turn off electronics whenever possible.
II. Write it down and use Visual Aids such as White Boards or Apps
From early morning to dinner routines to bedtime, schedules help provide consistency (important for everyone not just children). Try to keep the time that your child wakes up in the morning, eats, and goes to bed each night fairly consistent from day to day. Set up a visual daily schedule that at least vaguely imitates ‘normal life’, ie if your teen normally wakes up at 6am, do not let them sleep until noon every day and stay up until 1 am.
1. Use a Family Calendar. A family calendar organizes all the information for the household in one centralized location where everyone can see and use it. Write important times, including times when everyone is going to be together such as dinnertime. Put important dates on the calendar and remind everyone to refer to it often. Get the children involved---use a host of colors on the whiteboard, and if they do something let them draw a happy face, a heart, whatever to signal to you that they have done it.
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2. Use Personal reminders in a way that will work for your child. If your child uses a cell phone or smartphone, consider using the calendar, alarm, or timer to set reminders. If your child uses e-mail, he or she might want to send e-mail reminders to himself or herself. Reminders might include after-school activities, homework, due dates for library books, or even a reminder to start a task.
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3. Breakdown routines as sequences of tasks. Chunking things in to more manageable chunks is a good way to help children feel capable and like they can do it, rather than overwhelmed by a huge list or amorphous expectations. Write things succinctly (two to five items only), and post where easily visible. Make sequences or lists portable so they can be moved around as needed (refrigerator, bathroom mirror). Review lists regularly with your child and have them get involved in making them.
4. Allow for free time in daily routines. Children — and adults — need downtime. Make it fun---let them add in a ‘mystery break’ and plan on doing something new of different. If your child is looking forward to an enjoyable activity, have him or her finish a less enjoyable activity first. We call this alternating ‘preferred’ and ‘non-preferred’ tasks. Reward on-task time by following it with preferred-task time. Set the amount of time based on the child’s age and stamina. For example, you could list: complete 5 math problems, take a 5-minute break, and so on.
III-Reward Positive Behavior
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Reward positive behavior and praise your child’s efforts. Positive reinforcement can be powerful because it teaches children the behaviors that you want to see. This helps shape your child’s behavior in a positive way. Be positive and be patient! It takes time to change old habits and form new ones.
1. It may help to use a reward system that gives positive reinforcement each time your child follows through on a tough task. Offer an activity that he or she likes, such as more TV time or going out to the park. Talk about rewards and ask your child to make suggestions of his or her own. Giving them a choice always helps to motivate them, and gives them the illusion of control.
2. Do not agree to rewards that disrupt your child’s daily routine. If the rule is no computer before homework, do not offer computer time before homework as a reward. 3. Praise effort — not just results. If your child set the table but forgot napkins, acknowledge that she’s trying. Reward good behavior more often and catch them being good and give positive reinforcement.
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3. Praise effort — not just results. If your child set the table but forgot napkins, acknowledge that she’s trying. Reward good behavior more often and catch them being good and give positive reinforcement.
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Electronic Use:
Electronics Use for Children
All electronics and media are not created equal. Watching Sesame Street with your 5 year old is vastly different that giving him a computer, most commonly a Smart Phone. With the advent of Smart phones many American parents have given their children unfettered access to the internet and all of the content and inherent dangers that includes. Before you consider getting your child a phone---unless it is a flip phone and functions ONLY as a phone---every parent should read Jonathan Haidt’s excellent book The Anxious Generation. The data is real, verifiable and for those of us who work with children with disabilities or just diagnoses which give them a more visually oriented brain and uneven development, it is even more imperative. People often think ‘not MY child’ but we see this played out repeatedly with our patients outsmarting their parents, creating fake accounts and accessing materials around the tools designed to keep them out.
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The problems with screens
Too much screen time and regular exposure to poor-quality programming has been linked to:
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Obesity
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Inadequate sleep schedules and insufficient sleep
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Behavior problems
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Delays in language and social skills development
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Anxiety and Depression
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Attention problems
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Less time learning
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Keep in mind that unstructured playtime is more valuable for a young child's developing brain than electronic media. Children younger than age 2 are more likely to learn when they interact and play with parents, siblings, and other children and adults. By age 2, children may benefit from some types of screen time, such as programming with music, movement and stories. By watching together, you can help your child understand what he or he is seeing and apply it in real life. However, passive screen time shouldn't replace reading, playing or problem-solving.
Developing screen time rules
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The American Academy of Pediatrics discourages media use, except for video chatting, by children younger than 24 months. For children ages 2 to 5, limit screen time to one hour a day of high-quality programming that a parent watches with or near the child. PBS and public television for children are your best bet for quality programming.
Consider applying the same rules to your child's real and virtual environments. In both, play with your child, teach kindness, be involved, and know your child's friends and what your child does with them. Also, keep in mind that the quality of the media your child is exposed to is more important than the type of technology or amount of time spent.
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To ensure quality screen time:
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Preview programs, games and apps before allowing your child to view or play with them. Organizations such as Common Sense Media has programming ratings and reviews to help you determine what's appropriate for your child's age. Better yet, watch, play or use them with your child.
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Seek out interactive options that engage your child, rather than those that just require pushing and swiping or staring at the screen.
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Use parental controls to block or filter internet content.
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Make sure your child is close by during screen time so that you can supervise his or her activities.
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Ask your child regularly what programs, games and apps he or she has played with during the day.
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When watching programming with your child, discuss what you're watching and educate your child about advertising and commercials.
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Also, avoid fast-paced programming, which young children have a hard time understanding, violent content and apps with a lot of distracting content. Eliminate advertising on apps, since young children have trouble telling the difference between ads and factual information.
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Setting limits for older children
Establish clear rules and set reasonable limits for your child's use of digital media. Consider these tips:
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Encourage unplugged, unstructured playtime.
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Create tech-free zones or times, such as during mealtime or after 7 pm on school nights.
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Discourage use of media entertainment during homework.
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Set and enforce daily or weekly screen time limits and curfews, such as no exposure to devices or screens at least one hour before bedtime.
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Consider using apps that control the length of time a child can use a device.
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Keep screens out of your child's bedroom and consider requiring your children to charge their devices outside of their bedrooms at night.
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Eliminate background TV.
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Encouraging digital literacy
At some point your child will be exposed to content that you haven't approved and devices without internet filters. Talk to your child about the situations that could occur and the behavior you expect.
Encourage your child to think critically about what they see on their screens. Ask your child to consider whether everything on the internet is accurate. Does your child know how to tell if a website is trustworthy? Help your child understand that media are made by humans with points of view. Explain that many types of technology collect data to send users ads or to make money.
Teaching appropriate behavior
Online relationships and social media have become a major part of adolescent life. Explain what's allowed and what's not, such as sexting, cyberbullying and sharing personal information online. Teach your child not to send or share anything online that he or she would not want the entire world to see for eternity.
No matter how smart or mature you feel your child is, monitor his or her online and social media behavior. Your child is bound to make mistakes using media. Talk to your child and help him or her learn from them.
Also, set a good example. Consider that your child is watching YOU for cues on when it's OK to use screens and how to use them.
You'll likely need to continue to guide, manage and monitor your child's use of screens and media as he or she grows. But by developing household rules — and revisiting them as your child grows — you can help ensure a safe(r) experience.